Currently Viewing: A 2-fer - Cowboys and Aliens + Strictly Ballroom

Cowboys and Aliens

I popped in the Blu-Ray and watched 2 hours of my life go down the proverbial drain, never to be retrieved. What producer genius green-lit this monstrosity? Look, I'm all for genre mash-ups, but this script was ill-conceived and fell super-flat in its execution.

Netflix: Cowboys & Aliens

Normally, I have no problem with suspending my disbelief when watching movies - obviously, seeing I just rented a movie about cowboys AND aliens - but don't expect me to suspend my logic in addition to my disbelief - that's lazy script writing and insulting to the audience. Everyone involved with this train wreck seemed to be on autopilot - the performances were drab and lifeless, the cinematography uninspiring, the soundtrack weak sauce. It's as if the cast already knew going in that this film was a lame duck. Even Daniel Craig's toned buttocks in leather chaps didn't distract me enough from this crapfest.





Strictly Ballroom

I recently revisited my love for this movie. It’s the first installment (and directorial debut) of Baz Lurhmann’s “Red Curtain” trilogy of theatre motif-related films – the 2nd and 3rd being “William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet” and “Moulin Rouge” respectively.

Netflix: Strictly Ballroom

It's as light as cotton candy and just as sweet, with a heavy dash of quirky Australians, whipped to a campy froth. It's intentionally absurd but sincere at the same time, its romantic beating heart worn visibly and with pride on the sleeves of the bespangled Dayglo costumes. If you're not on your feet and stomping the Paso Doble at the final dance number, then you, my friend, have a heart blacker than Voldemort's. (Ps. the soundtrack is killer.)

Currently Watching: The Descendants

A big misfire for Alexander Payne, who directed "Sideways", a personal fave.

Devoid of the charm and snarky comedy that I loved about Sideways, The Descendants was a major snooze. Every plot point was telegraphed, the tone was schizophrenic - it couldn't decide if it was a family drama or trag-omedy (tragedy + comedy) - resulting in a deeply emotionally bereft and unsatisfying viewing experience. The red flag was the 20-minute voice-over in the beginning, telling the audience the entire back-story of the relationship between husband and wife. When Clooney's sonorous V.O. kicked in... and kept going... and going... (checks watch)... and still going... I knew, I just knew this was going to try my patience. Alex - show, don't tell! How was this nominated for Best Oscar?! Ugh, two big fat thumbs down.

Netflix: The Descendants

30 Shades of Nonsense: Random Notes, Thoughts and Guacamole

1. Haven’t written anything in a month. Creatively constipated. Need an enema.
2. Beginning July 16, I will be embarking on The Quest.
3. Louis C.K. is currently the funniest thing on the tube.
4. Email from the husband --

Husband: Mmmmm, I’m gonna Higgs your bosun.

Me: Is that code for something?

Husband: Mmmmm, I’m gonna code your something.

(note: Higgs bosun is a sub-atomic particle, also referred to as the God particle.)

5. Trader Joe’s has grass fed, New Zealand ground beef on sale for $5.99. Do you know how much of an awesome price that is for grass fed anything?
6. Best thing about summer: overabundance of avocados. Why? GUACAMOLE, that’s why!
7. The husband is suffering from a severe case of wanderlust and proposed taking a month off to traipse around Europe. I heartily agreed.
8. Afternoon light (around 5 or 6pm) creates the most beautiful long shadows.
9. Most listened to this week: Townes van Zandt, Them Crooked Vultures, O Mio Babbino Caro
10. Songs guaranteed to make me choke up every time: Rolling Stones’ “Wild Horses” and Tom Waits’ “San Diego Serenade”.
11. I don’t get 50 Shades of Grey. I read the first 15 pages on Amazon and... let’s just say, I would also use a pseudonym.
12. I love Amazon.com.
13. Hollywood needs more women directors like Kathryn Bigelow.
14. My love of movies exceeds the heat generated in a large hadron collider (allegedly 10 million billion degrees Celsius).
15. Currently reading a really crappy script by a fellow writer; vacillating between giving brutally honest feedback or merely adding to his delusion. (And I’m not being snooty; this script is truly awful.)
16. Hey, overly endowed girl. Just because it’s hot out is not a justification to expose your chichis. Leave something to the imagination, for the love of everything decent in this world.
17. I think the movie-going audience is now ready for a Thelma and Louise reboot.
18. Watching kittens play has been medically proven to lower your blood pressure.*
19. Drinking wine has also been proven to do the same as #18.*
20. Not watching the news has also... etc... etc.... refer to #18.*
21. Last films watched: The Hurt Locker, Clueless, Shame.
22. A phrase that I wish would gain in popularity - “Pish posh”.
23. The Oxford comma - yea or nay?
24. The aughts’ cultural zeitgeist - a vacuous black hole or appropriately zeitgeistian?
25. Contemplating undertaking Project 365. But that’s, like, a lot of photos so contemplating a (much) truncated version instead: Project 30.
26. Random Facebook conversation:

J: So, is it love or hate when an animal rubs its butt across your pillows?
S: Depends if they leave a skidmark or not.
J: No skidmark.
S: Then love.
J: Smelly love.
S: Love stinks.
J: Apparently.

27. The elements that make up our bodies are the same elements that make up the universe; ergo, we are of the universe.
28. Countdown: 5 months, 8 days, 3 hours, 27 minutes until Scotland (as of 7/12/12 @ 2:49pm)
29. Uh....
30. Whatever happened to David Chappelle?

*These statements have not been medically proven to be true.