How I Spent Black Friday

It wasn't at the friggin' mall, that's for certain. Only lunatics leave the house on Black Friday. Don't these people know they can get that same shit on-line? What they sacrifice in tactile viscerality (I just made up that word), they save in gas money, sales tax, elbows to the face, and sanity points by shopping on-line. But you know this already - I'm preaching to the choir, am I right?

Anyhoo, look at these gems I found on Etsy. My shopping list is complete! Finished a month early!

Self high-five!!


Handmade Art Doll
Guaranteed to scar the child in your life with recurring nightmares. (If that's what you're aiming for.)




Maris the Mermaid Cloth Art Doll
Apparently, there's this burgeoning underground movement of all things mermaid as evidenced here. Fine, whatever. You like mermaid crafts, and I don't. To each her own. The thing that has me scratching my head, though, is how anyone in good conscience can charge $20 for Maris here when it looks like the seller's six-year old niece fashioned her from leftover Bratz dolls and a burlap sack.






WTF?
It's described as a folk art doll and crow. I don't see the crow, do you? What I do see is either a dried out cat turd curled over her left shoulder or her creepy Uncle Stanley's bony finger creeping around where it doesn't belong. By the look on her face, my guess is bony finger, not crow. Or maybe she's upset because she's wearing a used coffee filter.





Zombie Family Paper Dolls
Um, how do you play with these?





Bathing Water Fairy
*Warning* NSFW




And last, but not least...


Dolls for the Wednesday Addams in your life.
(I secretly kind of dig these.)